what to do if your parents refuse to assign a power of attorney

by Raoul Lebsack MD 9 min read

When this issue arises, I offer the following suggestions that can help:

  1. Have a conversation with your parent and explain why you are worried. ...
  2. Explain that “preparing for the worst” is the best way of being prepared. ...
  3. Waiting until it’s too late is far more expensive. ...
  4. Tell your parent that this is their opportunity to have the final say about who will act for them. ...

Full Answer

What to do if someone refuses to sign a power of attorney?

If the person still refuses to sign a power of attorney, you could suggest that they consider signing standby conservatorship and/or guardianship papers instead. These documents would allow them to choose who they would want to make financial or healthcare decisions for them.

How do I set up a power of attorney for my parents?

When you’re ready to set up the POA, follow these steps: Talk to Your Parents: Discuss what they need in a POA and what their wishes are when it comes to their finances and health care. You must also confirm their consent and make sure they agree with everything discussed.

Can a power of attorney be revoked by a parent?

They can face harsh penalties if they don’t act in your parent’s best interests. Your parent can also revoke a POA at any time as long as they aren’t incapacitated. Despite these safeguards, you should always appoint someone your parent trusts to act as their agent. Appointing a power of attorney can also cause problems within families.

What is a power of attorney for an aging parent?

A power of attorney is a document, signed by a competent adult called “the principal,” that grants a trusted person the power to make decisions on their behalf if the principal is unable to. This trusted person is called “the agent.” It’s the agent’s job to make sure the principal — in this case their aging parent or loved one — is well cared for.

Does a power of attorney need to be recorded in Florida?

A Power of Attorney, like a Trust, does not need to be registered or recorded in the public records in order to be effective. It does have to be in writing, signed, witnessed and notarized.

Can a sibling prevent you from seeing an elderly parent?

If your parent has appointed your sibling as their legal guardian, then they may have the authority to prevent visitations if your parent is incapacitated. However, if your parent has not appointed a legal guardian, then you should be able to visit your parent unless there is a court order preventing you from doing so.

How do you get power of attorney when a person is incapacitated in the US?

There's no way to become someone's agent once they're incapacitated — for example, if they have dementia. Instead, you can gain legal responsibility for them by becoming their conservator, or adult guardian.

How can I control my elderly parents finances?

Here are eight steps to taking on management of your parents' finances.Start the conversation early. ... Make gradual changes if possible. ... Take inventory of financial and legal documents. ... Simplify bills and take over financial tasks. ... Consider a power of attorney. ... Communicate and document your moves. ... Keep your finances separate.More items...

What is Older sibling Syndrome?

Firstborn children are thrust into a leadership position when their younger siblings arrive. Leading and helping their younger siblings become an ingrained habit they carry forward even in their future (3). But if they become dominating instead of leading, it becomes a sign of the oldest child syndrome.

How do you deal with a manipulative elderly mother?

Provide Them With Personal Power Even if the underlying reason for manipulation isn't obvious, increasing the senior's sense of power in their own life can be powerful. One approach is to involve them in decision-making more. This is especially true if you are acting as a caregiver for them.

Can a family member override a power of attorney?

If the agent is acting improperly, family members can file a petition in court challenging the agent. If the court finds the agent is not acting in the principal's best interest, the court can revoke the power of attorney and appoint a guardian.

Can I get power of attorney for someone with dementia?

In general, a person with dementia can sign a power of attorney designation if they have the capacity to understand what the document is, what it does, and what they are approving. Most seniors living with early stage dementia are able to make this designation.

How do you activate a power of attorney?

Your LPA needs to be registered by the Court of Protection before it can be activated. You have two options, you can either register the Lasting Power of Attorney as soon as it's in place and signed by you and your attorney, or leave it to be registered at a later date.

What is it called when you take over your parents finances?

Without a power of attorney, you might have to go to court to have yourself appointed as a conservator for your aging parent. A conservatorship gives someone the legal right to be responsible the finances and assets of someone who is partly or totally incapable of handling those matters.

What happens if elderly person has no one to care for them?

If someone is unable to make their own decisions and can no longer live independently, they go through the conservatorship process with the courts and usually end up in a skilled nursing facility, covered by Medicaid.

Can I control my parents bank account?

The IRS suggests signature authority, which allows an adult child access to their aging parent's bank account. They can use it to pay bills and make purchases as long as they're in the loved one's interest. Your local bank branch can set this up easily with both signatures.

What to do if a sibling is taking advantage of an elderly parent?

What Can You Do if a Family Member Is Taking Advantage of Elderly Parents?Get legal advice. The first step is to know your rights. ... Collect documentation. ... Have a family meeting. ... Consider durable or financial power of attorney. ... Consider medical power of attorney. ... Petition for guardianship.

What to do when siblings won't help with elderly parents?

Start with your local Agency on Aging and the senior ministry at your place of worship. If you live in a large city, dial 2-1-1. If you work for a larger corporation, ask your human relations department what elder care resources they offer. Accept whatever help each sibling is able and willing to provide.

Can a sibling with power of attorney prevent other siblings from seeing a parent UK?

The purpose of executing the power of attorney may involve handling financial transactions, legal matters or health care decisions. If a sibling claims to have a power of attorney authorizing him to limit access to a parent, he should permit the other siblings to review the document.

What is sibling alienation?

Sibling alienation occurs when one adult sibling wants to push aside another. While sibling alienation can occur at any point, one sibling may be especially tempted to alienate another in order to gain control of care-taking or inheritance outcomes with aging parents.

What is the job of an elderly power of attorney?

It’s the agent’s job to make sure the principal — in this case their aging parent or loved one — is well cared for. Being named agent in your elderly loved one’s power of attorney is a serious responsibility.

What to do if you aren't ready for POA?

If you aren’t ready for the role of POA, it’s best to have a direct conversation with your loved one about your trepidation , says John Ross, an elder law attorney in Texarkana, Texas. “Be honest, and let them know that if something happened to them today, you wouldn’t be in a position to do this.”

What happens if a POA is struggling with addiction?

If a potential POA is struggling with addiction or living in an abusive environment, those circumstances could be detrimental to the health and well-being of an elderly relative.

Why do we need a backup plan for POA?

Experts recommend a backup plan because it’s “highly likely” that a relative won’t be able to carry out power of attorney duties when the time comes , according to David. “We build alternatives into a POA to cover the inevitability that someone may not be able to serve.”.

What type of power of attorney do seniors use?

Most seniors will execute multiple types of power of attorney as they age. Two of the most common are general and medical POAs.

What is a power of attorney?

A power of attorney is a document, signed by a competent adult called “the principal,” that grants a trusted person the power to make decisions on their behalf if the principal is unable to. This trusted person is called “the agent.”. It’s the agent’s job to make sure the principal — in this case their aging parent or loved one — is well cared for.

Can an elderly parent be a POA?

Not everyone is ready to act as power of attorney (POA) for an elderly parent. There are many reasons adult children and others named as POA may need to decline, says Cheryl David, an elder law attorney in Greensboro, North Carolina. “Becoming someone’s power of attorney is a monumental job,” says David. “The task should not be entered into without great thought.”

What happens if a POA is unwilling to act?

This means that if the primary agent is unwilling or unable to fulfill their responsibilities as POA, then a secondary (then tertiary, then quaternary, and so on) agent will be able to legally step in to manage the principal’s affairs.

What happens when a POA doesn't trust the agent?

When the siblings don’t trust the person named as POA, what Anderson often sees happen is constant questioning about their decisions. One or multiple siblings may always appear to be on the agent’s back, challenging each and every choice they make, she says. This can be utterly exhausting for the adult child who is simply trying to do the best for their parent (s). Such an arrangement can affect the POA’s decision-making abilities and also puts undue emotional stress on parents.

What is POA in adult children?

Potention Problems Naming Joint or Co-agents as POA. Adult children typically don’t want to take control of a parent’s medical or financial decisions unless they must. Serving as a loved one’s POA is not an easy or simple job. Still, feelings are easily hurt when one child is chosen over another for the job.

Why is a power of attorney important?

Power of attorney documents are a crucial part of planning for future health care needs and financial decisions, but it is important to understand how these legal documents can be drafted and the effects they can have on family relationships.

Can a POA hire long term care?

It is very difficult for the healthcare POA to hire long-term care services if the financial POA has a tight grip on the parent’s savings and income. One option that everyone should consider when drafting a POA document is naming consecutive agents.

Can a POA be bickering?

Even if the appointment of POA is smooth and didn’t involve much fuss initially, that doesn’t mean bickering isn’t a possibility once the agent officially begins managing a parent’s affairs. Siblings who disagree with a POA’s actions can cause strife within the family and even create huge legal challenges for one another. Below are a few of the most common disputes elder law attorneys see over power of attorney designations.

Can co-agents make decisions independently?

Ideally, the agents would work together regardless of the law to manage a parent’s medical and/or financial affairs, but that is easier said than done for many families. If the co-agents are granted joint powers of attorney, then they cannot act independently and must make all decisions together.

What is a power of attorney?

Powers of attorney are key estate planning documents. In the unfortunate event that you become unable to care for yourself, it is crucial that you grant a trusted party the authority to effectively make legal, financial, and medical decisions on your behalf. Through two key estate planning documents — the durable power of attorney and ...

Can a girlfriend be a power of attorney?

Can a Girlfriend Be a Power of Attorney? Yes. Any trusted person can serve as a power of attorney. They do not have to be a legal relative.

Can a power of attorney change a beneficiary?

Can a Power of Attorney Change a Life Insurance Beneficiary? Yes — but the agent always has a fiduciary duty to act in good faith. If your power of attorney is making such a change, it must be in your best interests. If they do not act in your interests, they are violating their duties.

Can a convicted felon have a power of attorney in Texas?

Can a Convicted Felon Have Power of Attorney? Yes. Texas law does not prevent a convicted felon from having a power of attorney. A mentally competent person has the authority to select who they want to serve as their power of attorney.

Can a durable power of attorney be changed?

Can a Durable Power of Attorney Be Changed? Yes. A durable power of attorney is a flexible legal document. As long as a person is mentally competent, they can change — even revoke — power of attorney.

Can a doctor override a power of attorney?

Yes — but only in limited circumstances. If an advance medical directive is in place, the instructions in that document may override the decision of a power of attorney. Additionally, doctors may also refuse to honor a power of attorney’s decision if they believe that the agent is not acting in the best interest of the patient.

Can a power of attorney keep family away?

Can Power of Attorney Keep Family Away? Yes — at least in certain circumstances . With medical power of attorney, an agent can make health-related decisions for the principal. This could include keeping family members away.

Why do you need a power of attorney for an elderly parent?

Common Reasons to Seek Power of Attorney for Elderly Parents. Financial Difficulties: A POA allows you to pay the bills and manage the finances for parents who are having difficulty staying on top of their financial obligations.

How to handle a power of attorney?

You may consider choosing clergy, a family friend or another community member as an agent. You can also hire a professional to handle the power of attorney. Banks and trust companies may take on this role, as can accountants and lawyers. Keep in mind that professionals are likely to charge fees, which can quickly become costly. If you do choose to hire a professional, interview them carefully, and make sure they understand your parent’s wishes. You may also wish to choose a professional based on what the POA is for, such as choosing an accountant to handle financial affairs.

Why Do You Need a Power of Attorney?

A power of attorney allows someone else to take care of your parent’s affairs. It can be temporary, for example paying bills while someone is on a long vacation, or lasting, such as making medical decisions after a car accident. As parents get older, it makes sense to be prepared for health issues that may mean they need help. A POA allows children, or another agent, to step in when the need arises. Jeter states, “Any person with an elderly parent should have the conversation with their parent about getting a power of attorney in place if one does not already exist. In my practice, I advise people not to wait when it comes to getting a power of attorney because there are just too many things that can come up in life.”

How does a durable power of attorney work?

A durable power of attorney lasts after the principal’s incapacitation. What you can do with a durable POA is based on both the document and state laws. In some cases, you may only be able to manage the principal’s finances and will need a separate medical power of attorney to make health care decisions. These POAs are used when a person can no longer handle their affairs, and it can end in several ways. They can be revoked upon the principal’s death or when a guardian is appointed. The principal can revoke the POA if they’re no longer incapacitated. For example, if a person wakes from a coma, they can take back control of their finances. There may also be conditions in the document that, if fulfilled, end the POA. A durable power of attorney comes into effect on the day it’s signed unless otherwise specified.

What is a POA in 2021?

Last Updated: July 16, 2021. A power of attorney (POA) can be an important element of planning for your elderly parent’s future. It allows another person to take action on your parent’s behalf, ensuring bills get paid and medical decisions can be made in the unfortunate circumstance that your elderly parent is unable to do those things on their own ...

How many witnesses do you need to sign a letter of attorney?

A notary public or attorney must witness your loved one signing the letter of attorney, and in some states, you’ll need two witnesses. The chosen agent must be over 18 and fully competent, meaning they understand the implications of their decision. When filling out the form, the parent must specify exactly which powers are transferring to the agent.

What is a medical POA?

A medical POA is different from a living will , which states what medical procedures a principal does and does not want done. In the case of a medical POA, the agent can make all health care decisions for the principal. Because of this, your parent needs to make their wishes known to the agent before they’re incapacitated. The American Bar Association has detailed information available about medical powers of attorney and the process of giving someone that power.

What to do if you don't have a power of attorney?

One option is to have an open, honest discussion with the person. Emphasize the importance of having a financial or health care power of attorney and the negative consequences of not having any powers of attorney in place.

Can an older adult sign a legal document?

Often, by the time a caregiver realizes that their older adult has di minished mental capacity , they’re no longer able to sign the necessary legal documents.

Can you sign a power of attorney for dementia?

If you’re caring for someone with dementia, you may face a legal catch-22 you hadn’t anticipated: they can’t – or won’t – sign a power of attorney. That’s the legal document that allows someone else to make critical medical and financial decisions on their behalf when they’re not able to.