what joke did the attorney tell the tpy salesman

What did the Devil say to the lawyer?

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money . All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your child ...

What does the old man say to the IRS agent?

He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it.

What is a defense attorney?

A defense attorney is cross examining the medical examiner in a murder trial. A defense attorney is cross examining the medical examiner in a murder trial. The attorney thinks he sees an opening in the testimony.

What does it mean when a rich man is arrested for murder?

A rich man is arrested for murder finds an Attorney that says. " Rich people don't to jail, You have too much money to go to jail, I'll represent you". It was long drawn out trial, and when his client was convicted, the lawyer made sure he didn't have any money left.

What happens when a boy swallows a quarter?

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

What did Jack and John do?

Jack and John decided to go skiing. They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

Where are the Pope and the lawyer?

THE POPE AND A ATTORNEY ARE AT THE ELEVATOR. The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them. When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically.

What did Little Johnny say to his teacher?

The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”. 36.

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

What does the doctor say to his lawyer?

81. During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.”. The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend.

What do the robbers take from the tellers?

While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall and proceeds to take their wallets, watches and other valuables. The first lawyer shoves something into the other one’s hand.

Is Kim Kardashian a lawyer?

Law is such a rewarding career even Kim Kardashian has taken it up. (Kim actually isn’t a lawyer yet. She takes the bar exam in 2022.) So, if your knowledge of legislation begins and ends with Law and Order, that’s OK. You don’t need a law degree to get these jokes.

Do you need a law degree to make jokes?

You don’t need a law degree to get these jokes. You may not need a lawyer, but everyone can appreciate a good joke about one. These counselors of law lead pretty serious lives and sometimes handle grave situations. So, if you know a lawyer or a law student, text a couple of these jokes their way. It’ll put a smile on their face so big, everyone ...

Do lawyers make easy targets?

Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). In fact, take it as a compliment.

What did the liquor salesman say to the woman?

The liquor salesman spoke first,"Y'know, I hate to see a woman drink alone ."#N#The food salesman countered with,"I hate to see a woman eat alone ."#N#The mattress salesman said,"Say, what do you fellows think of the cold weather we've been having?"

What does the salesman say after he straps the car to the car?

... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

What does a traveling salesman order?

The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look much better. Deciding not to take any chances, the salesman orders two hamburgers and a hot dog. The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.

What to say to a man with a winking problem?

"Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.#N#"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking". #N#"Then show me", replies the interviewer.#N#So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.#N#"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".#N#"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married ".#N#"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.#N#"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

What did the farmer say to the salesman in the barn?

The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"

How long will a Bass Pro Shop salesman eat?

And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime.

What did the manatee say to the hue manatee?

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

What did the Devil say to the lawyer?

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''#N#The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''

What does the lawyer say when a rich man is arrested for murder?

A rich man is arrested for murder finds an Attorney that says#N#" Rich people don't to jail, You have too much money to go to jail, I'll represent you"#N#It was long drawn out trial, and when his client was convicted, the lawyer made sure he didn't have any money left.

How many jokes does Filevine have?

From the number of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean being ‘a good start’ to the question of ‘how many of lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb’, we decided to make a list of every lawyer joke we could find (even those that had very little to do with a lawyer), tallying up 214 jokes that make us facepalm, shake our heads, giggle and outright laugh.

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

How many lawyers change light bulbs?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

What did the old lawyer say to his wife when he died?

An old, stingy lawyer was dying and was determined to prove wrong the old saying; “You can’t take it with you.” He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. His plan: Put the bags directly over his bed and when he died grab them on his way up to heaven. One day the old ambulance chaser died. When his wife was up cleaning in the attic one day, she came across the forgotten pillowcases. She then said to herself, “That old fool. I knew he should have had me put them in the basement!”

What happened to farmer Joe?

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

What did Farmer Joe say to Bessie?

Farmer Joe said, “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….”

Who laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are you going to?

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

What did a young salesman pee into?

A young salesperson peeped into the office of someone who looked like a sales manager, muttered something, then started walking away. After retreating a little he seemed to change his mind and headed back to the door -- where after some hesitation, he started to back away again. The sales manager, feeling sorry for the young man, and surprised that he was so badly trained, called him in.

What was the purpose of a salesman demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store?

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself

Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself.

Long Tour of Duty

I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same.

A Little Too Literal

If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what?

Roll Call

I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter. “Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor,” I said. “Linda Jones, probation officer.” “Sam Clark, public defender.” “John,” said the teen who was on trial. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”

The First Case

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

Court of Less Appeal

Justice isn’t just blind—it’s snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes:

Frame of Reference

When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?” asked the plaintiff’s lawyer. “Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust,” she responded. “And how did that turn out?” “I don’t know,” she said. “Ask me when I’m dead.”