Of course, parents can’t make the coach play their son or daughter, but there are things parents can do to improve their child’s chances for more playing time. Following are some ideas that athletic directors can share with parents. One of the many hats that coaches wear is that of being a teacher.
Remember, most coaches are very busy and may find it difficult to schedule a meeting. Additionally, coaches know that the No. 1 reason a parent asks to meet is about playing time, and often these meetings start with a disgruntled parent visibly frustrated, often calling “politics” rather than trying to understand the coach’s decision.
It’s even tougher for the player, especially at a young age. If your child is discouraged about a lack of playing time, try to keep their spirits up. Assuming the head coach hasn’t brought up any issues, tell your child how proud you are, and try to keep their head in the game.
The key thing that the talented athlete playing for this kind of coach must keep in mind that the problem here lies within the coach, NOT the athlete! Some parents are going to be biased sometimes, but there's many many coaches out there who play favoritism. It's an extremely pervasive problem.
6 ways to deal with a negative coachAsk yourself if there is any truth in what they say. ... Fight negativity with positivity. ... Attend practices and games. ... Help your child focus on the right things. ... Confront carefully. ... Move on or endure.
A parent's role should be helping a player frame his or her concerns and preparing for the conversation. If additional conversations are needed, parents may be a part of them in a support role. However, parents should not be the primary spokespeople when it comes to talking to a coach about playing time.
Ability and understanding. Aside from early youth sports, players should expect not to play as much as a higher skilled teammate. Coaches are often under challenging decisions of placing a player in the game to give them more time versus playing the athletes they need to win. The result is a benched player.
Parents should avoid calling college coaches and speaking on behalf of their athlete. There are other opportunities for parents to communicate with coaches. At the end of the day, college coaches aren't recruiting parents–they're recruiting student-athletes.
What “Not” to Say to a College CoachAvoid: Overselling your abilities. There is never a reason for you to oversell your abilities. ... Avoid: Bad-mouthing your high school coaches. ... Avoid: Comparing yourself to others. ... Avoid: Talking about how coachable you are.
That's right, coaches are also evaluating the parents of prospects as well. Just as coaches look for recruits that are a fit for their culture, they want parents who can fit in as well.
State your concerns, listen and keep an open mind. State your concern in a straightforward and nonjudgmental manner, sticking to the facts. For example, blurting out, "Jasmine doesn't have much playing time, and she thinks you don't like her," will only put the coach on the defensive.
What to do if your coach is playing favoritesCommunicate with the Coach. If your athlete is looking for more opportunity, the first step is to identify what they can do to change the situation. ... Put in the Extra Time. ... Stay Positive, take the team-first approach. ... Be seen, make an impact. ... Work at having fun.
Instead of taking it personally when you are bench, see it as an opportunity to improve your game....Thoughts pop up in your head such as:“I'm better than him.”“I only had one bad game.”“The whole team is playing bad.”“Why am I being pulled from the game?”“The coach never liked me.”“Will I ever earn my spot again?”
Here are 10 questions parents should ask college coaches:What does a day, week or year in the life of one of your student-athletes look like? ... What types of on/off campus activities are available to athletes? ... What type of academic support do athletes receive? ... What are the housing accommodations like?More items...•
Do parents go on official visits? Parents are invited to go on official visits. The school can pay for three meals per day and tickets to a home sports match. However, the school is only allowed to pay for their transportation to and from campus if the parents are traveling in the same car as the recruit.
The following questions will give you a head start:What is your preferred coaching style? ... What would my commitment be during holidays and the off-season? ... What does a typical week look like for student athletes? ... How do you support your players on an academic basis?More items...•
Let the coach know, in a non-confrontational manner, you have some concerns about the amount of time your child is receiving in games and that you would like to meet to talk about what is going on. I'd like to talk with you about the amount of time my child has been playing in the games.
Dealing with parents and playing time issuesNot up for discussion. Establish a standard for your parents that the issue of playing time and who starts a game is one area that is not up for discussion. ... Practice. Practice. ... Role filling. ... Make it a contract. ... Talk to your coaches assistants. ... Offer support when needed.
Parent Tips for Approaching the Coach About Playing TimeThe Coach as a Teacher.Tips for Approaching the Coach.Be polite. Remember, most coaches are very busy and may find it difficult to schedule a meeting. ... Have specific questions. ... Leave out the other kids. ... Say thank you. ... Final Thoughts.
State your concerns, listen and keep an open mind. State your concern in a straightforward and nonjudgmental manner, sticking to the facts. For example, blurting out, "Jasmine doesn't have much playing time, and she thinks you don't like her," will only put the coach on the defensive.
I think it depends on the age. Honestly, I'd say up until high school, I think everyone on the team should have to play for at least a certain amount of times, and the kids that are better can play longer ect. but I think all should play for at least X amount of minutes of a game (give them a chance, let it be somewhat fun so they can figure out if it's something they really like or not.)
Coaches, like teachers, are expected to help their athletes learn, grow and develop, making communication with parents an important part of the job. The vast majority of interscholastic coaches not only see themselves as teachers, they embrace this role with pride.
The Coach as a Teacher. One of the many hats that coaches wear is that of being a teacher. Granted, rarely do you see “teacher” in the formal job description for coaches, but this is exactly what coaches do every day when working with student-athletes. In fact, coaches teach countless important things, including teamwork, sportsmanship, leadership, ...
Have specific questions. Parents should ask questions that are specific rather than vague whenever possible. For example, the coach will likely have a much more difficult time answering a broad question like “What’s my kid got to do in order to play?” versus a specific question like “You have mentioned the importance of conditioning, do you have specific advice on how my child can improve in this area?”
If parents still believe playing time is an issue, they might request a meeting with the coach. Following are some tips that athletic directors could share with parents regarding meeting with the coach. Be polite. Remember, most coaches are very busy and may find it difficult to schedule a meeting.
Of course, parents can’t make the coach play their son or daughter, but there are things parents can do to improve their child’s chances for more playing time. Following are some ideas that athletic directors can share with parents.
However, it’s not just about having confidence. Remind your athlete to exhibit good body language and not hang their head or pout and gripe on the sidelines.
However, most people will probably find it surprising that many coaches will actually agree that they play favorites, though they might do it for different reasons than you’d think.
Sending your parents to address your coach first is the more natural step, but it does not portray ownership and responsibility. Don’t ambush your coach during practice, either. Respect the practice time and ask to set up a meeting before or after training. When your coach gives you feedback, take it with an open mind.
Many coaches will put players in when they know they have enough of a lead or strong enough teammates to allow for the mistakes that come with being in a newer position. Be prepared to hear some things you may not want to.
Coaches are often under challenging decisions of placing a player in the game to give them more time versus playing the athletes they need to win. The result is a benched player.
The same applies to practice ethics. An athlete who slacks off in practice, goofs around, uses the time for socialization, coaches notice. When the choice about who gets to play is between a player who works hard or a player who doesn’t, the priority will go to the one who puts in the effort.
When a person suffers another injury to the head before the initial one has healed, it puts the athlete at risk of permanent damage or even death. If a person has had a previous concussion, they are more at risk of another. Illness also is another legitimate reason for benching an athlete.
Wearing the title of athlete includes being mindful of how one acts in and out of the performance. They become role models to upcoming teammates and a reflection of the team. Most reputable coaches will not tolerate athletes behaving in angry, unpolished, and unrefined ways. Sportsmanship is a cornerstone of sports.
If your son or daughter has pulled a hamstring, the coach will likely rest them until they heal. Concussion protocols in many areas has adopted the policy that if an athlete shows any sign of concussion, they must be cleared by a medical professional before returning to play. The risk is second-impact syndrome.
It's a great life lesson to tell your son or daughter: you wanted to play on a team, you tried out, you were drafted, you have to fulfill your commitment to your team. If at the end of this year, you don't want to play anymore, that's fine. You have to fulfill your commitment to the coaches and the other members on the team.
The Worst Kid on the Team: When Your Child Is Struggling With a Sport. You can't really blame a child for wanting to quit when he's not excelling at a sport. It can be a huge blow to one's self-esteem to be the worst at something, especially in a team environment when your performance affects everyone else's. ...
You can't really blame a child for wanting to quit when he's not excelling at a sport. It can be a huge blow to one's self-esteem to be the worst at something, especially in a team environment when your performance affects everyone else's. On the other hand, many parents struggle with the concept of quitting.
Palmiter points out that there is a valuable parenting lesson in participating in a sport, especially when a child isn't a superstar:
During one game, the coach told Bradley to get ready because he was going in on the next play. The coach called a player off the field and sent Bradley on, but the other player did not want to leave the game and the coach said, “OK.”.
The subject of playing time can be a slippery slope, especially for coaches. How do you balance winning with getting everybody in the game? Unfortunately for coaches, it’s nearly impossible to make everyone happy, but they have to be fair and do the best they can.
It’s hard for the kids to deal with, but it’s equally, if not more, difficult for the parents. Handling it in the correct manner can go a long way to potentially fixing the problem.
But winning shouldn't come at the cost of depriving a youngster the opportunity to play, have fun and get better. There are ways to make sure all kids can get an opportunity to feel like they’re part of the team. I do think the best players should play the most, but those who work hard in practice should also see significant playing time.
Don’t do it before or after a game. Emotions are too high for a chat at that time. During the week, try to arrive at practice with your child a few minutes early and see if you can chat privately with the head coach about the situation. Don’t go to the assistants or anyone else with the program.
In that meeting, if coach does not do it, request a set of expectations regarding how parents and coach are to communicate. Choose the right time and place to do it – if there were no standards set at the preseason meeting, pick a good time.
Respect Coach’s time, energy, and family – They are human. Respect how much they put into the role and that they , too, have a family. Go into it knowing exactly what your kid wants and getting honest information – I’ve seen too many parents run into an argument with a coach without talking to their kid first.
You can control things like getting your kid to practice on time, teaching her positive values, or modeling good behavior for him. So focus on what you and your kid can control. Keep the focus on the most important person in the equation, but don’t forget there are all those teammates – This is about your kid.
Ambush Coach – No one likes being jumped by someone regarding a sensitive topic. Set up a meeting like you would in business and be clear on the purpose of the meeting ahead of time. Come from a place of emotion – Facts. Stick to them. Leave the emotion on the sideline for this one.
Remain calm, professional, and collaborative – Coach will feed off your energy and vice versa. If you can approach it professionally and calmly, both parties can have a more productive conversation. I recently got into an argument with a neighbor regarding something he and his spouse did to my son. My anger had the best of me at first (and rightfully so). We both escalated quickly. Finally, we took a step back and took a deep breath. We agreed to talk calmly and the conversation was able to end without someone doing something he would later regret.
Coaches respect the parents and the players when the player is the one having the talk. Ever yield on safety. If your child’s safety is called into question (whether it be returning to play too soon, being taught methods that could hurt her, or verbal abuse) walk away. It’s just a sport.
Too many coaches are negligent in their role as a coach and corrupt in their interactions with their athletes because they are driven by their own needs and their personal politics within the community. A number of coaches coach mainly so that their kid gets to play!
They tear down self-esteem rather than building it up. They create an extremely unsafe learning environment for their athletes. They use fear, humiliation and demeaning, disrespectful behaviors as “teaching” tools. They are emotionally and sometimes (indirectly) physically abusive. They directly and indirectly pressure athletes to continue to play when injured. They regularly kill the fun and passion that their athletes once had for the sport. These coaches have lost their way and strayed terribly far from the true mission of coaching.
One guaranteed tell about whether your kid is playing for a bad coach is how much they yell and scream during games and even practice. Great coaches, professional coaches, don't yell at their players constantly during games and practice. They may do it OCCASIONALLY to get their attention if necessary, but it is not the norm. Bad coaches yell a lot to compensate for their lack of coaching skills.
Good coaches earn their respect from their players on a daily basis, over and over again based on how they conduct themselves and how they interact with their athlete and everyone else associated with the program. If you think that you’re too important to earn respect, then you are distinguishing yourself as a bad coach!
Good coaches take responsibility for their team’s failures and give their team and athletes full responsibility for successes. Bad coaches blame their athletes for losses and take the credit for the team’s successes. You’re NOT a good coach when you play “head games” with your athletes.
If you pressure your athletes to play when injured or if you demean and ignore those athletes who are too injured to play, then you are engaging in physical abuse. Encouraging your athletes to play hurt so that the team can win is reckless behavior for you as a coach. When you do this you are directly putting your players at risk.
If winning is your primary goal as a coach you have significantly lost your way and as a consequence, you’ll actually win less! Your mission as a coach is to teach young people and help them grow as individuals so that they become better people in the world, both on and off the field.
If not, the coach likely feels that your child does not help the team win games because he/she is not good enough; is indistinguishable from others; and there are others with whom the coach is more comfortable with because of seniority, physical differences , etc. These reasons are not mutually exclusive.
Still, a coach’s decisions affect material outcomes like winning or losing as well as a child’s fun and desire to play. Individual performances are affected, in quantity and quality, as well - how they are treated by others; how they feel/see themselves in this context; what expectations they have of their activity and engagement; and their sense of belonging and significance to the team. This is a complicated issue and worthy of parental concern.
On a competitive team, playing the best players is implicit, if not made explicit, meaning the coach plays whomever they believe will make positive contributions towards winning. If your child can contribute more than others, they get playing time.
Balancing individual opportunity and learning to be a teammate is critical to their development. Sport is a great way to gain essential social skills. A mother I know, whose son did not play a lot until his senior year of high school and continues to struggle with a lack of playing time in Division II, recently told me that it is these times when parents have the opportunity to use sports as “teachable moments,” that dealing with adversity is a part of life.
This goes hand-in-hand with our emphasis on win first, individual achievement and stardom. The positive social value of sports is getting lost and we need to regain some balance.
Before deciding that a coach or a team is bad for your child, look at the coach’s approach to this balance and the potential opportunity for life lessons. And, if the coach is hurting your child and others because of a lack of balance, a change is necessary.
Parents should be their child’s advocate and coaches need to be held accountable for their actions. At the same time, parents should look for patterns in a coach’s decisions and understand there is some logic - whether one agrees or not - to what they are doing. Your child may not be play.