Some advice for people involved in a custody battle with a narcissist is to consult with a custody attorney who can guide you through what the important factors of your case. If that person can show that the child’s best interests are served by having custody, the court will rule in their favor.
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A custody battle with a narcissist more likely means that you’re fighting with a sick person than a cunning genius. When you understand that their efforts to control the situation and hurt you are a symptom of their sickness, it can become easier to deal with.
A lawyer versed in dealing with a narcissist will know how to expose them. Because for all the smoke and mirrors the narcissist has little impulse control. If the lawyer can push certain buttons and make them feel threatened, they might go into an overdrive and explode with rage.
Narcissists are very good at pulling you into conflict, and making you emotional. Because when you’re emotional, you’re likely to make a mistake. Then the narcissist will use that against you in court.
As you know, narcissistic abuse isn’t always blatant. That’s why documentation, restraining orders, and remaining calm and objective help your case. Judges want to ensure that the parent does not present any risk for emotional or physical danger. They will identify various parental characteristics, home environments, and child-rearing skills.
How Do You Win a Custody Case Against a Narcissist? Follow These 9 Steps#1 Remember That You Are Dealing With a Narcissist. ... #2 Take Note of Everything That Happens. ... #3 Stop or Limit Communication. ... #4 Contact Law Enforcement. ... #6 Ensure Your Physical Safety. ... #8 Continue Being Dependable. ... #9 Secure the Right Attorney. ... Stay Calm.More items...•
How to Deal with a Narcissist in Court ProceedingsCommon Narcissistic Traits. Exaggerated self-importance (feelings of superiority without achievements to support it) ... Don't Engage. ... Shield Your Kids from the Conflict. ... Don't Expect Mediation to Work. ... Document Everything. ... Be Prepared to Explain Narcissism to the Judge.
The process of securing child custody against a narcissist is essentially the same as with anybody else. Both parents must either agree on a custody plan during mediation and take it to court to be approved, or they must fight over the specifics of their arrangement during litigation.
Key Takeaway About Beating a Narcissist in Family CourtDocument everything with facts, dates, and copies of any communications.If other people witnessed your spouse's behavior, tell your lawyer immediately.Remain calm during each court appearance or meeting involving your spouse.More items...•
The Reigning King of What Can Be Used Against You in a Custody Battle: Verbal or Physical Altercations. We wanted to start with the most simple pitfall to avoid: When tempers get high, it's quite alluring to get into a verbal sparring match with your ex-spouse.
Yes, you can sue for emotional abuse. Attorneys across the United States recognize emotional abuse as a cause of action, allowing families of those victims of emotional abuse in nursing homes to sue in response to their loved ones' mistreatment.
Divorcing a narcissistUnderstand the family court process. ... Hire an experienced lawyer. ... Set firm communication boundaries. ... Document all interactions with your ex. ... Consider sole and joint custody. ... Prepare evidence. ... Create a detailed parenting plan and schedule. ... Request a custody evaluation.More items...
Create a detailed parenting planCommunication rules (between parents and between each parent and the child during the other's time)Shared child-rearing guidelines, such as discipline, bedtimes, curfews, screen time, etc.Decision-making rules for your child's education, medical care and religious upbringing.More items...
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
When confronted with facts, the person will likely allow their true nature to come out. A judge can see firsthand the combative, abusive, and controlling nature of the narcissistic parent.
Being exposed, especially in front of people they want to impress, will trigger the narcissist's rage. Family law professionals will witness a distinct personality change and have proof that the narcissist's words don't line up with their actions. The narcissist will be careful not to directly malign you in court.
10 Ways To Outsmart A Narcissist.The very best way to outsmart a narcissist is to heal yourself. ... Take precautions to reduce narcissistic supply. ... Don't react and go 'no contact' ... Use the 'grey rock method' if you can't do no contact. ... Agree with them. ... Keep your cards close to your chest.More items...•
Keep calm and stay away. As a rule, try not to have any arguments (or even contact) with the narcissistic ex (or whoever you’re battling in court) prior to the custody hearing. Narcissists are very good at pulling you into conflict, and making you emotional. Because when you’re emotional, you’re likely to make a mistake.
The lawyers, the judges, the police and other law officials are even less likely to recognize a narcissist (unless they’ve had experience with this before). So make sure you get the best representation possible. A lawyer versed in dealing with a narcissist will know how to expose them.
It may be very clear to you what they are, but it’s not clear to the court. So it may backfire on you because it makes you look slanderous and judgmental.
If the amicable agreement can’t be reached, it’s best to leave the mediation to the lawyers. I know this is wicked hard because your child is involved, so you’re bound to be emotional, defensive, anxious or in a “fight mode.”. Resist the urge to get into it with a narcissist!
Most psychologists won’t even diagnose NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), as it is considered a rare condition. Only between 0.5 and 1 percent of the population meets the clinical criteria. So the psychologist is more likely to diagnose narcissistic features or traits.
The truth is, even professionals in the psychotherapy field will often fall for the narcissist’s projected image. Yes, the narcissist can have the shrink eating out of their hand!
The absolute best way to protect yourself is to document reality. Some of the ways to document. Keep all communications in writing.
Custody cases are difficult and things can become more complicated when the other parent has narcissistic personality traits. While generally most parents truly want what is best for their children (even if that looks like something different to each of them), the narcissist often prioritizes their idea of winning over the needs of the children.
And unless there is abuse involved, it is usually best for the children to have a relationship with BOTH parents. Think about what needs to happen for your children to live their best life and maintain a relationship with both parents in the safest way possible.
I often find people are outraged that their spouse can even see the children at all. The reality is if your spouse is not physically harming your children and does not put them in demonstrable danger, they will have the right to have a relationship and have parental access to the children.
Here are 7 steps to take to survive a divorce with a narcissist. 1. Keep yourself clean by steering clear of mudslinging. By joining your soon-to-be ex in this turmoil, you’re stooping to his level and giving him ammunition in his fight against you. And believe us, he’ll take all the ammunition he can get, even if some of it is made up.
A spouse’s self-centeredness becomes, somehow, attractive, pulling you back into his orbit. Before you know it, your narcissistic ex has convinced you you’re crazy, your needs are outlandish, or that your perspective is simply wrong. This often happens when blinded by emotions.
Stay focused on your goals and bite your tongue as much as possible. 2. Communicate with your ex only through lawyers. This one can be hard to stick to, particularly if you have kids together, when it may be unavoidable.
But if you push all communication regarding the divorce itself through your lawyers, you can avoid most of your spouse’s attempts to hurt and control you. Keep conversation centered on the kids only, not their custody, nor anything else related to the case.
If you’re divorcing a narcissist, chances are he or she won’t go quietly into the night. Narcissists are self-centered, full of themselves, and boastful. They’re also unable to empathize or tune in emotionally to another’s needs, which makes your soon-to-be ex more likely to seek revenge, whether through the courts or elsewhere.
This risk escalates if you’re the one leaving. They may do everything in their power to punish you or try to convince you to come back.
Narcissists often thrive in the emotional chaos associated with divorce and custody battles. Don’t give in to their desires. Let your lawyer do the speaking. If you talk, stick to the facts.
Narcissistic personality disorder entails having an overinflated ego and needing control. Narcissists lack empathy and insight into other people’s emotions. Therefore, when they feel threatened, they often react with extreme gaslighting. As a result, they will likely push to your limit throughout this process.
Abuse is one of the most important considerations a judge examines when evaluating custody. As you know, narcissistic abuse isn’t always blatant. That’s why documentation, restraining orders, and remaining calm and objective help your case.
Judges want to see that children will be living in safe, clean, stable homes. You should be able to prove that your child has their own bed, clothes, room for their own belongings, and adequate space for play and mealtimes. Some judges prefer granting custody to the parent who remains in the family home.
Structure and routine are important for a child’s development. For this reason, judges want to ensure that a child’s schedule remains as consistent as possible. They tend to grant custody to a parent who can keep their kids in the same school and following the same schedules.
Do not try to convince your child to live with you. Instead, maintain open communication, and be empathic to your child’s needs. Avoid badmouthing the other parent. It’s worth expressing your fears with older children, but you shouldn’t try to manipulate them in how to think a certain way.
Narcissists are notorious for pulling this same dirty trick on lawyers, judges, police, therapists and even the custody evaluator. On the surface it may seem fairly harmless, asking people to explain their actions but this is truly where they learn to work their black magic. Rule number three: Document everything.
Plus in their minds, defending yourself or explaining your decisions is basically an admittance of guilt. When they ask you why you did certain things, you can either sidestep it and ignore it or you can inform them that you’re not going to explain yourself to them.
Rule number one: Only communicate with your ex through texting or email. Granted, this rule actually does apply to both narcissism and borderline and the reasons for doing so are the same. There are two reasons why you must follow this rule: 1 You have documentation of what they have said. One of the quickest and easiest indicators of a high conflict individual is that they constantly change what they say or deny what they have said. You undoubtedly already know this so make a rule that you never talk to them on the phone, you communicate through texting and email only. 2 You can plan out what you want to say with more effectiveness. When you talk on the phone, they know how to catch you off guard with attacks, accusations and such and in a moment of being flustered, get you to say something that you don’t want to say or mean to say.
The other thing you need to take into consideration when trying to win your child custody battle is what your ex is going to do. It doesn’t matter how reasonable and level-headed you are, if they decide to fight dirty then you’re almost guaranteed to lose your case.
The first and most important thing to do if you’re going through a child custody battle with your ex is knowing why you’re fighting for custody in the first place. There are a lot of people out there who want, or need, to win their child custody cases, but don’t know exactly what they’re fighting for. If this sounds like you, you might want ...
Myth #7: If the non-custodial parent doesn’t pay child support, the custodial parent loses their custody rights. This isn’t true, as it is entirely up to the court to decide how much the non-custodial parent must pay in order for them to have equal custody rights (or any at all).
The Myths of Child Custody: Myth #1: The best parent is the one who most wants the child. This isn’t always true, as there are times when it is better to have two parents that don’t want to be with each other, but rather than fight they work together for their children’s sake.
There are a lot of things that can go wrong if you’re going through a custody battle, but there are plenty of ways to use this as an opportunity to teach your kids valuable life lessons. This, in turn, will teach them to treat their children with kindness and respect even when they’re going through a bad period.
If you’re late, don’t show up, or don’t let your ex know where/when/for how long your taking the kids then there’s going to be an issue.
The state you live in or move to could decide the custody battle for you, whether it’s good or bad. Pennsylvania has some of the most stable law regarding child support and custody battles and California (yes, it is true) has one of the worst laws in this regard. A child support case can take years to settle out there!