Emotion makes it difficult for us to present a convincing argument. Negative displays of body language such as yelling, crying, sighing, eye rolling or name-calling is a waste of the mental energy required to win your argument . It fortifies your opponent’s psychological and emotional defences meaning that from this point, no matter how persuasive you are, you have already lost the battle.
Lawyers stay calm and stick with the facts. When it comes to arguments or negotiations, emotion is weakness. Even if lawyers are provoked, or are emotionally connected with a particular subject, they do not allow their opponent to use it to their advantage.
It gives them the ammunition they need to focus their own strategy, distract you from your core objective and , ultimately, win the argument.
The main risk here is that your debate will quickly and irretrievably deviate from the subject at hand to one that does not progress the current issue at all. This is where it is easy to become lost in a sea of unrelated issues.
A lawyer’s ability to win an argument can be summed up by a few key skills: organising ideas and delivering them effectively.
The debate slowly moves away from the central issue to similar sub-issues meaning that the original topic is never dealt with.
Emotion will never win an argument. When we feel strongly about a subject, it is likely that our views are informed by past personal experiences. A strong emotional response to someone challenging these views leaves us not only vulnerable to feelings of personal attack, but also not thinking clearly.
1. Organize your thinking. At your first meeting , you need to give your lawyer the background of your dispute. Your lawyer will need to know the “who, what, where, when, how, and why.”. You should spend time trying to get this information organized so that you can share it in a clear way.
If you don’t understand something your lawyer has said, ask for clarification. You can say, “I don’t understand what ‘injunction’ means. Can you explain that?”
Ask what the lawyer expects from you. Communication is a two-way street. You should ask your lawyer if he or she has any expectations for how you will communicate.
Your lawyer should also send you copies of documents filed in your case. Keep these and read them. If your lawyer doesn’t give them to you, then ask for copies . You may have to pay a small fee.
1. Ask your lawyer how he or she communicates. Each lawyer is different. Some might prefer to communicate by email. Others may communicate by telephone. At your first meeting with the lawyer, you should discuss how you will communicate. Try not to demand that the lawyer use your preferred method of communication.
If you feel communication has broken down, address your own shortcomings. For example, you might not get requested information to your lawyer until right before a deadline. This makes it very difficult for a lawyer to represent you. Think about why you are struggling to communicate with your lawyer.
If your lawyer takes more than a day, then you should ask why it took so long. You can say, “Thanks for the call. I actually called you three days ago. Were you too busy to respond?”
If your lawyer does not respond, or subsequent meetings or conversations are not fruitful, consider suggesting mediation to work out your communication problems if you still want this lawyer to represent you. A bad deskside manner doesn't mean that the lawyer isn't an excellent lawyer, and it can be difficult to find a new one in the middle of a case.
If the lawyer is unresponsive and the matter involves a lawsuit, go to the courthouse and look at your case file, which contains all the papers that have actually been filed with the court. If you've hired a new lawyer, ask her for help in getting your file. Also, ask your state bar association for assistance.
If you lost money because of the way your lawyer handled your case, consider suing for malpractice. Know, however, that it is not an easy task. You must prove two things:
A common defense raised by attorneys sued for malpractice is that the client waited too long to sue. And because this area of the law can be surprisingly complicated and confusing, there's often plenty of room for argument. Legal malpractice cases are expensive to pursue, so do some investigating before you dive in.
If you can't find out what has (and has not) been done, you need to get hold of your file. You can read it in your lawyer's office or ask your lawyer to send you copies of everything -- all correspondence and everything filed with the court or recorded with a government agency.
A lawyer who doesn't return phone calls or communicate with you for an extended period of time may be guilty of abandoning you -- a violation of attorneys' ethical obligations. But that's for a bar association to determine (if you register a complaint), and it won't do you much good in the short term.
If you're not satisfied with your lawyer's strategy decisions or with the arguments the lawyer has been making on your behalf, you may even want to go to the law library and do some reading to educate yourself about your legal problem.
As Jennifer writes, lawyers are trained to zero in on the relevant parts of an argument and respond accordingly. They tend to respect factual evidence and abide by the rules of logic.
Lawyers talk law, that boring language which few people understand and needs correct interpretation. You easily make a mistake because you might not understand the legal meaning of a certain word. If you have (are pressed by the judge) to ‘defend’ yourself, stick to facts. Agree on facts. Agree on interpretation. And then stop. If you can’t agree on facts or interpretation, don’t try to establish the method to find out the correct facts or interpretation. That’s why you should be represented by your lawyer in court or legal setting. Lawyers talk legal language, they understand each other. And they will translate that boring difficult language back to you in plain English (or your native language).
The Prosecution lawyers job is to undermine the arguments of the Defense lawyer. That is, the lawyer’s job is to look for flaws in the argument as against assessing the evidence , and to that extent an articulate lawyer will likely win an argument without proving a case. It is not a good idea to argue with lawyers.
If you understand law, things are not that difficult. First you find out if your case is covered by an existing law. If so, facts, interpretation, no ambiguity. If not, see if there is a similar case covered by an existing law (jurisdiction). If so, facts, interpretation, no ambiguity.
If you cannot agree on the interpretation at first, agree on the method on how to come to agreement on the interpretation. That’s it. If you ever read a legal document or contract, you might wonder why it has so many pages. But a good legal document is written in the shortest form which avoids ambiguity.
Lawyers also have to have a strange relationship with the truth. In many cases it ’s clearly not possible for two sets of contradictory evidence to be true, yet lawyers representing both sides have to act as if it is and, if pushed, will say that they have to believe what their client claims.
A good lawyer may take your side in a court case when you are employing him to argue explicitly for a particular outcome and most of those arguments end in a stalemate with neither side really winning. In normal conversations it’s even more ambiguous, a good lawyer never takes a side and puts off drawing a conclusion long past when any lay person would. They never tell you this is what you should or shouldn’t do explicitly and rarely if something is wrong or illegal or more correctly illegal enough that someone will care enough to get in your way. They simply reiterate the facts, most of which you likely already know, and tell you here are some choices. Its often infuriating, but it’s hard to argue with that when they don’t take a side. It's not an argument, it simply is.
Even if the subject at hand is not something you feel is worth arguing about, it’s likely important to the other person — it’s best to respect their opinion and how they’re feeling about the topic. “Don’t make light of the issue ,” Robinson says. “Instead, acknowledge and validate it. You can try saying, ‘I know how significant this is for you, but I’m just uncertain about what to do about it,’ and take it from there.”
When arguing with somebody, it may be easy to get off-topic and start focusing on the person or extraneous details versus the subject you’re arguing about. However, it’s important to stay on track. “Confront the issue at hand, not the other person,” Robinson says. “Don’t insult the other person in order to try to gain ground in the argument. Also, don’t pursue unrelated details just to prove your point.”
Ehrlich agrees. “Try not to make comments or allegations (which you know) have no bearing in the argument and are being made just to hurt your significant other,” he says. “If you have been in a relationship for a period of time, you both know each other’s soft spots and triggers, and there is simply no need to go there. Most of the time, they have nothing to do with the actual argument and, instead, are merely being offered by one party to elicit the desired response of anger in the other.”
If you’re upset, even if you’re tempted to make hurtful comments, like calling your partner names, don’t do it. “ Disrespecting your partner by name-calling will only further fuel the other person to become resentful and not want to accept responsibility and resolve your differences,” Ziegler says.
If you don’t have a poker face, it’s best to try to have one when arguing. “Nothing is more dismissive than making faces, or rolling your eyes, and embarrassing your partner when arguing ,” Ziegler says. “Remember, you are with this person for a reason, and when you are fighting, try to come from a loving place — as hard as it may be — and try to be open-minded. Fueling animosity will never help you stay in a happy and healthy partnership.”
Instead of arguing, try having a “passionate discussion,” Chad Ruback, who has been an appellate lawyer for more than 20 years, tells Bustle. He says that every time he goes to an appellate court to represent his clients, it is called an “argument.” “When there is an argument in court, there is always a winner and a loser,” he says. “When there is an argument in a relationship, there are always two losers.” Instead, he suggests having a “passionate discussion.”
Pierre-Louis thinks so, too. “If it can be avoided, don’t bring up something that happened weeks or months ago, or isn’t pertinent to the conversation,” she says. “Your partner may get defensive if you start listing off all the things they’ve done wrong, and you won’t be able to get to the root of the current matter.”
If you feel your attorney didn’t represent you well or communicate with you, that’s important for your new attorney to know — it can help set your client-attorney relationship on the path to success. 3. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Depending on your legal matter, the situation you’re in may be emotional ...
If you don’t tell them the entire story or change events to put yourself in a better light, you could be jeopardizing your chances in the case. The truth generally comes out in the end, and better for your attorney to hear from you than to be surprised in the middle of the case.
Need help finding an attorney or have questions about your legal issue? Reach out to an ARAG customer care specialist at 800-247-4184, Monday through Friday, 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Central time.
Use these tips to prepare before you talk or meet with your network attorney. 1. Do your homework. Your attorney is going to have quite a few questions for you — and, depending on the legal matter, will want any required documentation. For example, if you’re dealing with a child support issue, you’ll want to come with a timeline of when ...
Depending on your legal matter, the situation you’re in may be emotional or even embarrassing. Attorneys understand this — they deal with these situations every day as part of their job. Keep in mind that although some things may be difficult to talk about, the more you share with your attorneys the better.
When you learn how to make opposing arguments, you also learn how to hear them, which increases tolerance and allows more problems to be solved cooperatively.
To think like a lawyer, try to approach a problem from several different perspectives to gain new insight into the issue. However, avoid becoming emotionally involved in any one point of view, since it can lead to irrational thoughts that don’t support the facts. For example, look at a given issue and attempt to argue both sides using logic and the facts you have available to you. Finally, don’t make assumptions about anything without facts to back it up, or take things for granted without asking, “Why?” For tips from our Legal reviewer on how to use syllogisms and deductive reasoning to argue your point, read on.
1. Deduce particular conclusions from general rules . Deductive reasoning is one of the hallmarks of thinking like a lawyer. In law, this pattern of logic is used when applying a rule of law to a particular fact pattern.
Lawyers refer to why a law was made as its ‘‘policy.’’. The policy behind a law can be used to argue that new facts or circumstances should also fall under the law.
Lawyers try to win a new case by demonstrating that its facts are substantially similar to the facts in an old case, and thus the new case should be decided the same way as the old case was.
Law professors and practicing attorneys can’t talk about “thinking like a lawyer” without bringing up the 1973 film “The Paper Chase .” In the film, Professor Kingsfield tells his first-year law students: “You come in here with a head full of mush and you leave thinking like a lawyer.” Although law professors remain fond of telling students they’re going to teach them how to think like a lawyer, you don’t have to attend law school to enhance your own logic and critical thinking skills.
Thinking like a lawyer also requires using judgment. Just because a logical argument can be made doesn’t mean that argument is good. Judgment is necessary to determine whether a given line of reasoning or conclusion is in anyone’s best interests or advances society as a whole, or if it’s destructive and dangerous.
One way opposing lawyers distract their opponents by filing incessant motions to frustrate a matter. Some lawyers are easily distracted by allowing every issue raised by an opposing lawyer to become a dispute. While it is essential to react to some motions, learn to ignore harmless ones.
The reason many lawyers are uncivil and aggressive comes from the desire to please their clients. There is certainly a popular misconception by the public that lawyers who are difficult and aggressive are the ones who can bring in results.
Calm lawyers are usually the most efficient because they do not allow their emotions to becloud their sense of reasoning. Nothing upsets an opposing counsel more than a calm and collected lawyer.
A difficult opposing counsel is every legal practitioner’s nightmare. Even judges dread the thought of presiding over matters involving a difficult lawyer. Their fears are understandable. Difficult lawyers seem to have a penchant for employing unethical tactics to win a case. According to some lawyers, dealing with a difficult opposing counsel is ...
Nothing upsets an opposing counsel more than a calm and collected lawyer. A relaxed lawyer who is not overwhelmed with emotion is less likely to make mistakes in his case.
To be proactive, lawyers must have a plan of action and anticipate the next move of the opposing counsel, just like in a chess game. By preempting the moves of the lawyer on the other side, you will avoid delays caused by your opponent’s delayed actions.
Some research and studies have shown that being assertive reduces your stress and helps you deal with difficult situations. Assertive lawyers are rarely intimidated and can succinctly make their points without insulting the other side.