how 'thoughtful communication' can improve your marriage, according to a divorce attorney

by Arch Heaney 7 min read

Instead of defaulting to 'fight or flight' responses, rely on these open-ended questions and phrases to navigate conflict and reconnect with your partner. Using phrases like "tell me more" keeps you engaged in a conversation with your spouse and helps you practice your listening skills. Cavan Images / Getty Images Sept. 13, 2019, 5:51 AM PDT

How 'thoughtful communication' can improve your marriage, according to a divorce attorney
  • Understand it's the small things that lead to major heartbreak.
  • Use positive reinforcement.
  • When arguing, focus on principles.
  • Put it in an email.
  • How to thoughtfully communicate with your partner.
  • More Relationship Advice.
May 9, 2018

Full Answer

Can poor communication skills lead to divorce?

May 09, 2018 · How ‘thoughtful communication’ can improve your marriage, according to a divorce attorney: NBC. Divorce and Family / By Douglas Katz. Big problems — like infidelity or financial impropriety — are often the result of small misunderstandings that snowball over time.kali9 / Getty Images.

How can i Improve my listening skills in a marriage?

May 01, 2019 · Tampa family law attorney discusses how thoughtful communication can improve your marriage. Many individuals like to believe that all marriages will be an eternal life of bliss and love, but according to the American Psychological Association half of marriages in the United States ends in divorce. According to James Sexton, author of “If You’re In My Office, It’s …

Why should I hire a divorce attorney?

Jul 22, 2019 · “Speak with a level head and don’t raise your voice or make threats,” Pollock says. Taking those simple steps can minimize meanness and maximize civility. 2. …

How can I improve my relationship with my partner?

How thoughtful communication can improve your marriage, according to a divorce attorney How to use these common relationship conflicts to strengthen your bond Want more tips like these?

What is good communication in a marriage?

In a great relationship couples talk freely, openly, and feel safe sharing their most private thoughts. They comfortably and considerately verbalize their concerns and feelings when difficulties arise and voice their positive thoughts when things are good.

How do you fix broken communication in marriage?

How to Fix and Save a Broken MarriageIdentify what made you fall in love.Start to listen to each other again.Reflect on what has made your marriage feel broken.Talk to each other.Don't let distractions get in the way of your relationship.Find a way to connect again.Nov 2, 2020

How can I improve the quality of my marriage?

The Top 7 Ways To Improve Your MarriageSeek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for relationship problems. ... Edit yourself. ... Soften your “start up.” ... Accept influence from your partner. ... Have high standards. ... Learn to repair and exit the argument. ... Focus on the positives.

How can lack of communication cause divorce?

3) Lack of Proper Communication Great communication can see a relationship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce. Being able to talk about a sore subject and come to an agreement together could save a marriage.Jan 28, 2019

What causes lack of communication in a marriage?

Some of the reasons couples fail to communicate properly in their relationship include: Lack of one-on-one time together when you can talk and listen. High expectation that one partner or the other should just know what the other is thinking. Unwillingness of one partner to consider the other's point of view.Jan 11, 2019

Can a marriage last without communication?

Marriage without communication, without exchange of thoughts, feelings and emotions is unsustainable. You might find that you're not really mindful of making each other a priority, and so when the communication starts to slip the marriage can head into a danger zone.Nov 5, 2020

How Can You Improve Your marriage Without Talking About It summary?

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don't require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide ...

What are the 3 most important things in a marriage?

Three most important things you should do for a happy and long-lasting marriageKeep an open line of communication. As said in the research, communication is key to making the relationship last. ... Knowledge (of one's self and of each other) ... Commitment.Dec 14, 2021

What are the 5 most important things in a marriage?

If you want to be that #relationshipgoals couple, here are 5 essentials for having a healthy relationship.Communication. You've definitely heard the very cliché “communication is key.” But here's the thing – it's a cliché for a reason. ... Respect. ... Boundaries. ... Trust. ... Support.

What do you do when your husband refuses to communicate?

Communicate with him If your husband doesn't talk to you for one reason or another, you should speak to him instead. Be gentle and calm with your tone. Start on a positive note by telling him that you love your marriage and care about him. Then, calmly ask what the problem is without making it his fault.Jan 7, 2022

How do you fix lack of communication in a relationship?

Tips for better communicationProcess your feelings first. ... Thinking about timing. ... Start with 'I' statements and feelings. ... Focus on being both being heard and listening. ... Make compromising and resolution the goal. ... Set clear boundaries. ... Leave notes for your partner. ... Regularly check-in throughout the day.

Can a relationship survive without communication?

A relationship can't thrive or survive without good communication. Being able to have heart-to-heart talks about big issues, as well as open and honest communication about everything, including the little things (even, and especially, the irritating things) is vital to any healthy relationship.Jun 17, 2016

When you have a disagreement with your partner, do you let it go?

In other words, when the initial conversation or disagreement is taking place, make sure you end on a note where you feel a conclusion has been reached. The worst thing you can do is throw it back in the other person’s face every time there’s tension/frustration.

Why is it important to have a third party?

The major benefit is that it gives you a third party to help facilitate better communication, but also the chance to learn how to interact with and hear each other better. “We like to think of it as a gateway to a more positive relationship and a safe place where you share what you want in the marriage,” Frawley says.

How to say "I need xyz"?

People are often afraid to seem overly needy or demanding, so instead fall into the trap of thinking: ‘If he really loved me, he would know that I need xyz.’ The alterative, according to Frawley, is to say: ‘I need xyz.’ “Being clear about what you need and want is important ,” she says. Especially in marriage, vagueness never works. Sometimes this requires you to sort through your talking points before you approach your partner about what’s bothering you. Sometimes it’s about pressing your spouse until they tell you what they actually need. Bottom line: Just because you’re married and see each other every single day, you’re not mind readers.

What are some examples of Frawley and Pollock's clients?

An example: “Men complain that their wife doesn’t do anything other than have lunch or go to the gym or use a nanny, and we ask, ‘Does she know this is how you feel or perceive her?’” Frawley says. The relationship lesson is to speak up. “If you tell yourself something isn’t important enough to discuss and then it happens 68 times and suddenly you want to get divorced because of it, it may have been smarter to head it off at the pass.”

What does Pollock say about email?

Pollock says: “We frequently will have clients send us correspondence—say, an email—between them and their spouse. It’s a forward with a note at the top: ‘Can you believe how outrageous this is?’ For us, because of the scope of what we see in our day to day, our response is frequently: ‘Meh. We’ve seen worse.’ But that’s the lesson: The real issue is how the person—about whom the email is being written—receives it.” She adds: “That’s why it’s so important to understand each other’s communication styles. After all, the way you interact with each other is what gives you both the power to be productive and constructive, but it’s also what gives you the power to do the most harm.”

Is communication important in marriage?

Good communication in marriage is a must. In fact, it’s the difference between being able to survive the small stuff—like meal planning and child-pick-up—as well as the big things like financial hardship and sexual satisfaction. But according to research published in the academic journal Couple Family Pscyhology, ...

How to deal with micro cheating?

So how should a couple best deal with micro-cheating? Be honest and straightforward, says Weiss: “Micro-cheating isn’t necessarily a sign of anything except maybe that a couple needs to do a better job of communicating. And better communication can occur with or without therapeutic assistance. Open, honest, non-reactive communication is the key to healthy intimacy. The more open and honest a couple is, the more intimacy they have. Remember, with infidelity, it’s not the specific behavior, it’s the lying and secrets that drive a couple apart. If you can eliminate the lies and secrets, the relationship gets much stronger.”

Who is Robert Weiss?

Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT and CEO of Seeking Integrity, an online community that addresses behavioral health challenges, says the difference between micro-cheating and full-on infidelity is better defined by how much your secret interactions might affect your partner when he or she finds out.

Is micro cheating a good behavior?

After all, solid relationships are based on trust — and micro-cheating isn’t exactly a trustworthy behavior if you’re keeping your interactions on the downlow. “What is lost on many people who cheat is that their interpretation or rationalization of the cheating behavior does not matter, it’s the interpretation of their partner and their partner’s feelings that matter,” says Tashiro. “There’s an old saying in social psychology, ‘What’s perceived as real is real in its consequences,’ and that certainly applies to micro-cheating. When someone feels that there has been an infidelity, there is a sense that an agreed upon standard has been intentionally violated and it’s human to respond to deception with anger, distrust and loss of affection,” he says.

Is it normal to find other people attractive?

Weiss says it’s somewhat normal to find other people attractive within a committed relationship — just not to act on it. “Being in a relationship does not mean you never notice anyone other than your partner,” says Weiss.

Why do couples feel like they are drifting apart?

This is why, when couples begin to feel that they are drifting or growing apart, they're mostly likely to report a lack of sex ,” notes Dr. Hafeez.

How to improve libido?

Foster intimacy elsewhere: Overall relationship happiness can lead to more fulfilling sex. Plan date nights, get the kids a babysitter, set non-sexual goals together, work on projects. Make time to connect. Identify and reduce stressors: This takes time and effort, but stress is a major libido killer.