how should i know, i am not an attorney joke

Do you need a lawyer for jokes?

You may not need a lawyer, but everyone can appreciate a good joke about one. These counselors of law lead pretty serious lives and sometimes handle grave situations. So, if you know a lawyer or a law student, text a couple of these jokes their way. It’ll put a smile on their face so big, everyone will think they won their case.

How do you know if you need a different lawyer?

Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser. When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other. Your lawyer picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.” Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie. A prison guard is shaving your head.

Who are some famous people who said “he is an attorney”?

– John Gay (1685-1732), English dramatist. Peachum, in The Beggar’s Opera, act 1, sc. 9, Air 11. #90 I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney. – Samuel Johnson (1709-84), English author, lexicographer.

What does the lawyer say in the Good News and bad news?

These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself. This Lawyer Is Thorough… The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

What did the Devil say to the lawyer?

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''#N#The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''

What does the lawyer say when a rich man is arrested for murder?

A rich man is arrested for murder finds an Attorney that says#N#" Rich people don't to jail, You have too much money to go to jail, I'll represent you"#N#It was long drawn out trial, and when his client was convicted, the lawyer made sure he didn't have any money left.

Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself

Did you know that lawyer jokes are so old they can be found in the works of Shakespeare? These contemporary takes are worthy of the Bard himself.

Long Tour of Duty

I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same.

A Little Too Literal

If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what?

Roll Call

I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter. “Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor,” I said. “Linda Jones, probation officer.” “Sam Clark, public defender.” “John,” said the teen who was on trial. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”

The First Case

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

Court of Less Appeal

Justice isn’t just blind—it’s snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes:

Frame of Reference

When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers. “Have you ever dealt with an attorney?” asked the plaintiff’s lawyer. “Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust,” she responded. “And how did that turn out?” “I don’t know,” she said. “Ask me when I’m dead.”

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner

"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"

There were once three friends who were absolutely inseparable in high school

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways. One of the friends went on to become a very successful defense attorney. Top of his class at Harvard Law, opened his own firm, made everyo ...

A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light

The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”

Lawyers should never ask a Virginia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big d ...

A defendant was on trial for murder

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating his guilt, but there was no corpse. In his closing statement, the defense attorney resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he said. “I have a surprise for you all—within one minute, the person presumed dead wi ...

Accomplice?!?

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney.

A neuro-surgeon goes to a bar

One day, a neuro-surgeon hears about this trendy new bar opening on the other side of town called Barristers. He arrives at the bar and, not long after arriving, he's talking to this gorgeous blonde and they're really hitting it off. Then she asks, "So what do you do for a living?" And he says "Well ...

What does the doctor say to his lawyer?

81. During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.”. The doctor decides he’ll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend.

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

What did Little Johnny say to his teacher?

The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, “A lawyer!”. 36.

Is Kim Kardashian a lawyer?

Law is such a rewarding career even Kim Kardashian has taken it up. (Kim actually isn’t a lawyer yet. She takes the bar exam in 2022.) So, if your knowledge of legislation begins and ends with Law and Order, that’s OK. You don’t need a law degree to get these jokes.

Do you need a law degree to make jokes?

You don’t need a law degree to get these jokes. You may not need a lawyer, but everyone can appreciate a good joke about one. These counselors of law lead pretty serious lives and sometimes handle grave situations. So, if you know a lawyer or a law student, text a couple of these jokes their way. It’ll put a smile on their face so big, everyone ...

Do lawyers make easy targets?

Let’s be honest; lawyers make easy targets when it comes to humor. If this just so happens to be your chosen profession, don’t take it personally (sidebar: no litigation necessary). In fact, take it as a compliment.

How many jokes does Filevine have?

From the number of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean being ‘a good start’ to the question of ‘how many of lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb’, we decided to make a list of every lawyer joke we could find (even those that had very little to do with a lawyer), tallying up 214 jokes that make us facepalm, shake our heads, giggle and outright laugh.

What did the old lawyer say to his wife when he died?

An old, stingy lawyer was dying and was determined to prove wrong the old saying; “You can’t take it with you.” He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. His plan: Put the bags directly over his bed and when he died grab them on his way up to heaven. One day the old ambulance chaser died. When his wife was up cleaning in the attic one day, she came across the forgotten pillowcases. She then said to herself, “That old fool. I knew he should have had me put them in the basement!”

How many lawyers change light bulbs?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

What happened to the doctor and lawyer in the car?

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

What happened to farmer Joe?

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

What did Farmer Joe say to Bessie?

Farmer Joe said, “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….”

Who laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are you going to?

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Who knows the Attorney General?

The Greatest lawyer knows the Attorney General.

Is law a serious subject?

Studying law is generally seen as a very serious intellectual pursuit, that requires a good deal of intelligence and dedication to successfully complete. While this is absolutely true, it doesn't mean that students have to leave their sense of humor at the door!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

20. Having a DUI can be very hard on your personal life. I am still on the 12 step program.

LAWYER JOKES - 20 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL A CLIENT IN A LAW FIRM

20. Having a DUI can be very hard on your personal life. I am still on the 12 step program.

Said in the courtroom

The following things were actually said by people in courtrooms across the country:

Car crashes

Another set of funnies. When police asked people who had been involved in car wrecks to describe what happened, their descriptions often made it clear that the car wrecks were mysteriously unavoidable. Hence, some actual examples from police files:

Act Now To Protect Your Rights

Without question, your Dallas car wreck case is subject to the statute of limitations. Almost certainly, if you don’t act now you may lose your right to compensation for the personal injury you have sustained. Therefore, contact Dallas car wreck lawyer Joey Messina at our Dallas law firm as soon as possible.

Personal Injury Newsletter

Also, our Messina Law Firm publishes an online newsletter dedicated to informing you about current trends in personal injury law, tort reform, and wrongful death law.